There's Gum In My Book

I'd like to open this blog post with a song that has just been released on iTunes. It's the extended version of the "Kathy" show theme song. Take a look:

Alright, so I'm going to take a gander here and say you didn't make it all the way through. I get that, but I still love it, in all of it's auto-tuned glory. First of all, I love Kathy Griffin, and I feel like the song kind of sums up my life's philosophy:

"I know what's on your mind, and if you're inclined not to say it, well don't you worry, 'cause I'll say it for you."

Yeah, that's me.

Anyway, on to the gum story. I knew that I wanted to get my dad the last 4 Harry Potter movies for Father's Day. I cannot count the number of times he's told me "I haven't seen them all yet, so once they're out on DVD, I expect the full collector's set as a present!" Well, I'm kind of cheap, so I wasn't about to re-buy the first 4 that we already have, so an Amazon order and a rubber band seemed like my best bet. (This was after I tried Wal-Mart and Target the Wednesday before Father's Day, so yes, the order came in late, and no, I still haven't given them to him.)

Well, I figured if I was paying for the shipping, I might as well buy The Hunger Games books too, because, like every other wishes-he-was-a-reader-but-would-rather-just-watch-a-movie person, I loved the movies and promised I would read the books this summer.

My shipment came in, and this is what I was graced with:

Not cool, man. Not cool.

Have you ever had to exchange something on Amazon? It's really not that difficult, but it's tedious enough to be a real pain in the ass.

Speaking of a pain in the ass, Justin Bieber was on the Late Show this week. Please note his face after he refers to The Sistine Chapel as "The Sixteenth Chapel":

He has no idea what he's just said. He "believes" the audience thinks he's just hilarious.

In other news, my dogs just got their first hair cuts. They're adorable, but now it's easier for them to find each others' junk. Awesome.

Are You Saying I Need New Underwear?

We all know that Facebook is covered with ads. Our generation is basically made up of obsessed content-producing machines whose sole purpose is to create pages and pages of coveted ad-space.

But lately, these ads have been getting a little personal. One specific ad shows up on my sidebar at least 5 times a day:

Zuckerburg, why you gotta be like that, girl?

Facebook knows a lot about me. I'm not really shy with what I put on the internet, but I don't like the idea of a website managing my bloomers. And why the picture??

I don't really know what Facebook is trying to tell me. I take pride in my underwear and all, but personally, I think $16 a pair is a little steep. American Eagle is 2 for $20.

On another note, someone in Japan recently tried to hack my Facebook account. I'm pretty sure the two events are related.

Convinced? I thought so.

My Pelvis is Out of Line

A few month's ago, a new chiropractor opened up where my town's beer distributor used to be. (Classy, right? I know, I love it.) Well, my mom's been going there for a while, and she came home yesterday with a surprise -- she had made me an appointment!

First of all, I love chiropractors. I've only ever been one other time, and it was wonderful. Needless to say, I was ok with this development.

So I went to the appointment, laid on the table, and had my initial screening done to see what's wrong with me. Long story short, she told me I'm a hot mess. I can't say I was shocked; My posture sucks, I constantly crack my back, and my hips are above my belly button. I know that I'm awkwardly built. (Cue thank you to my paternal genes.)

One thing I was not expecting to hear ... was that my pelvis is out of alignment. That's right, people -- apparently, that can happen now. I'm guessing it's from all of the late-night thrusting I tend to do.

What can I say? I like to dance.

Well, I guess all of this dancing can get a little out of control. Enough that, on my way out of the office, I had to schedule my next four appointments.

So, last night, I was hanging out with friends, and I told them about this recent personal debacle. They said they would try to control my pelvis and stop me if it got out of hand.

Let's just say I'm going back to the chiropractor in the morning.