My Dad Loves My Dogs More Than He Loves Me

We've had our dogs Leroy and Stitch, for about 8 months now, and I think it's safe to say that my dad loves them more than he loves me. No, but really though.

Don't get me wrong, these dogs are adorable. They can be a real pain in the ass, they've basically destroyed our kitchen with their constant chewing, and they don't always understand that naps require quiet, but they're really cute when they want to be, and it's easy to waste hours playing with them. But my father has taken it to the next level.

Leroy and Stitch in the sweaters I bought them.
It is my firm belief that they love being dressed up.

He LOVES these dogs. He plays with them, curls them up in his arms and whispers to them, gives them treats like its nobody's business, and gets offended if you yell at them. If you don't know my dad, this might seem only strikingly strange, but if you know him, then you'd understand that I'm living in a parallel universe. My dad doesn't usually like, well, anything.

Let's take our last pet, for example. We got Brutus when I was five years old, and my dad hated this dog. Brutus had spent the first year and a half of his life locked in a single crate with both of his parents, so he was pretty quiet and loved attention, but he was never really playful. Still, my dad didn't like him. Now, this could have been because of the way he was introduced to the family. My dad was away on business when he got a phone call:

Mom: Hi, Honey. Are you with people right now?

Dad: Yeah, we're about to sit down to dinner. What's up?

Mom: Oh, good! Then you won't be able to yell at me when I tell you I bought a dog today!

Dad: ...

Brutus and I in our early years. Nope, I'm not sure which of us is cuter.

Dad and Brutus got off to a "ruff" start, to say the least, and it basically went downhill from there. But he has turned over quite the new leaf with Leroy and Stitch. After years of having a dog in the house that he hated, he insisted, the weekend after Brutus past, that we get not only one, but two dogs. And then we started buying things for them. 

Now, I've dreamed of having a dog I could dress up for as long as I can remember, probably stemming from my middle school obsession with Paris Hilton and The Simple Life. Naturally, I bought them matching sweaters. But I come home for break to find that their bin is overflowing with toys. They have 4 beds throughout the house ... each! And here's the real kicker: my dad bought them matching houses for Christmas. Now these are not outdoor houses like Snoopy has in the Charlie Brown specials. These are two fabric doghouses that he has set up nicely in the middle of the living room.

He cuddles with them every night.

I remember being huffed at when I would ask for Cheerios in the morning.

Leroy and Stitch are the favorite children. I might as well just go back to school.

Virtual Class

I decided to take online classes this summer. I figured I'd get some credits out of the way, keep myself in the groove, and continue my track of a major and double minor. It was such a good idea ... until they started.

It honestly hasn't been too bad; it's just kind of annoying to still have homework on top of my two jobs. Anyway, my first class was my Race & Diversity GenEd - The History & Significance of Race in America. Sounds great, right? That was an online class, so it was basicly just "do this reading" and then "write these papers". Not too bad and actually kind of easy. My second class, Macroeconomics (somehow a business minor was another good idea?), is a virtual class, which means that aside from the regular readings and homework, we also have to watch recorded lectures, and ... wait for it ... go to class over webcam!

I didn't even know that was a thing that Temple did! And I definitely didn't know that's what I was signing up for, but I think it's great! I'm taking this class, getting the credit, and with the face-to-face time, I'm actually getting some personal learning out of it. That's great news!

Disclaimer for all you cyber-school junkies out there: Shut up. This is not your time to gloat. I still wouldn't have given up my high school experience for anything, the highs and the lows. And if you'd rather just sit behind a computer all day, then that just means smaller class sizes for the rest of us. This class an accesory to my regular education. BAM.

But my favorite part about this development is that every Thursday night, I'm in a "class" full of people that are on their computers in their living rooms, in their pjs, doing other stuff, sometimes paying attention and sometimes not, and it's all there for me to watch!

I love people watching, so this is a double-win for me! A screen-full of people forgetting that they're being watched! The big one is the proffesor (duh), and he's sitting there loving his life, talking about the economy. The second girl looks bored out of her mind. The third one probably just fell asleep. The guy is definitely on his phone texting. This girl on the end is the only one really paying attention. And I was there, camera-ready, as always. And no matter what, the professor knows he really can't do anything from his home office, so he just acts like he doesn't know!

As you scroll over, there's two more pages full of people! You may think this makes me a creep, and you may be right. But I really don't care. If I have to sit there and listen about macro, I'm going to have to entertain myself somehow.

...

Another testament to my amusement with technology. Someone actually Googled "memoirs of a small town celebrity" this week! I think that means I'm famous.

There's Gum In My Book

I'd like to open this blog post with a song that has just been released on iTunes. It's the extended version of the "Kathy" show theme song. Take a look:

Alright, so I'm going to take a gander here and say you didn't make it all the way through. I get that, but I still love it, in all of it's auto-tuned glory. First of all, I love Kathy Griffin, and I feel like the song kind of sums up my life's philosophy:

"I know what's on your mind, and if you're inclined not to say it, well don't you worry, 'cause I'll say it for you."

Yeah, that's me.

Anyway, on to the gum story. I knew that I wanted to get my dad the last 4 Harry Potter movies for Father's Day. I cannot count the number of times he's told me "I haven't seen them all yet, so once they're out on DVD, I expect the full collector's set as a present!" Well, I'm kind of cheap, so I wasn't about to re-buy the first 4 that we already have, so an Amazon order and a rubber band seemed like my best bet. (This was after I tried Wal-Mart and Target the Wednesday before Father's Day, so yes, the order came in late, and no, I still haven't given them to him.)

Well, I figured if I was paying for the shipping, I might as well buy The Hunger Games books too, because, like every other wishes-he-was-a-reader-but-would-rather-just-watch-a-movie person, I loved the movies and promised I would read the books this summer.

My shipment came in, and this is what I was graced with:

Not cool, man. Not cool.

Have you ever had to exchange something on Amazon? It's really not that difficult, but it's tedious enough to be a real pain in the ass.

Speaking of a pain in the ass, Justin Bieber was on the Late Show this week. Please note his face after he refers to The Sistine Chapel as "The Sixteenth Chapel":

He has no idea what he's just said. He "believes" the audience thinks he's just hilarious.

In other news, my dogs just got their first hair cuts. They're adorable, but now it's easier for them to find each others' junk. Awesome.

Are You Saying I Need New Underwear?

We all know that Facebook is covered with ads. Our generation is basically made up of obsessed content-producing machines whose sole purpose is to create pages and pages of coveted ad-space.

But lately, these ads have been getting a little personal. One specific ad shows up on my sidebar at least 5 times a day:

Zuckerburg, why you gotta be like that, girl?

Facebook knows a lot about me. I'm not really shy with what I put on the internet, but I don't like the idea of a website managing my bloomers. And why the picture??

I don't really know what Facebook is trying to tell me. I take pride in my underwear and all, but personally, I think $16 a pair is a little steep. American Eagle is 2 for $20.

On another note, someone in Japan recently tried to hack my Facebook account. I'm pretty sure the two events are related.

Convinced? I thought so.

My Pelvis is Out of Line

A few month's ago, a new chiropractor opened up where my town's beer distributor used to be. (Classy, right? I know, I love it.) Well, my mom's been going there for a while, and she came home yesterday with a surprise -- she had made me an appointment!

First of all, I love chiropractors. I've only ever been one other time, and it was wonderful. Needless to say, I was ok with this development.

So I went to the appointment, laid on the table, and had my initial screening done to see what's wrong with me. Long story short, she told me I'm a hot mess. I can't say I was shocked; My posture sucks, I constantly crack my back, and my hips are above my belly button. I know that I'm awkwardly built. (Cue thank you to my paternal genes.)

One thing I was not expecting to hear ... was that my pelvis is out of alignment. That's right, people -- apparently, that can happen now. I'm guessing it's from all of the late-night thrusting I tend to do.

What can I say? I like to dance.

Well, I guess all of this dancing can get a little out of control. Enough that, on my way out of the office, I had to schedule my next four appointments.

So, last night, I was hanging out with friends, and I told them about this recent personal debacle. They said they would try to control my pelvis and stop me if it got out of hand.

Let's just say I'm going back to the chiropractor in the morning.

I Don't Sleep Much ... Except for All the Time

I have a very weird sleep schedule. And by that I mean I basically have the circadian rhythm of an ADD chihuahua.

My roommates always say, "I feel like you never sleep. But at the same time, you sleep all the f*cking time." And it's true. I love sleep. Naps are one of my favorite things (cue Sound of Music melody), but that's basically all my sleep consists of: just (sometimes very long) naps. But then I go forever without sleeping at all.

Take yesterday (2 days ago?) for example. I was running errands with a friend, getting ready for Relay for Life this weekend, when my mom called to say she was leaving work early. Mind you, this "early" departure occured at 11:30 at night, and yet I still wonder why I'm like this. We ended up cooking vats on vats on vats of taco meat and talking ... until 5:30 in the morning. Then I had a conference call at 10:00am, followed by a long day spent at the high school and running more errands for this godforsaken, though very exciting, weekend.

I came home, spent some time with family, and have been really doing nothing ever since. And when I say nothing, I don't mean I'm sitting here watching TV, or even on the internet (until I decided to write this). I just mosey about my room, slightly adjusting things and thinking to myself. Dilly dallying.

NOT SLEEPING.

And my dad is waking me up on his way to work (6:00am) so that I can start my homework. Why the hell did I think summer classes were going to be a good idea?? After my homework, I'm going back to school all day to get ready for this weekend, then I'm coming home to do more school work before I have to go to a job work meeting at 7:30. And that's before I'm coloring my hair purple again with friends, preparing to wake up at 7:00 in the morning and be awake for more than 24 hours at Relay Saturday into Sunday. Oh, then I get to go to work at 4:00 on Sunday and work all day Monday.

And don't forget, that 50 page reading assignment and 3 page paper are due on Monday by midnight!

I don't know why I do this to myself. I just can't sleep.

WorxEnergy, you are a godsend.

And So It Begins

One of my best friends told me today that I belong to the All-American Family. I thought this over for a while, and if my best friend thinks that about me, I must convey a very pretty picture of a very chaotic life.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my family, and I can even understand why she might think that. On the surface, I have two married parents, one younger sibling, and two dogs. I've lived in the same house my whole life, I'm active in the community, and I'm starting my sophomore year of college in the fall.

But really, my life is like a soap opera. And trust me, I would know. I watch several.

So here's my attempt to show you the things that happen and the people I encounter in my daily life. My stories often end with the listener giving me that wide-eyed look that can only be accompanied by a stuttered "wow" and an awkward laugh.

I know that people are usually watching what I do. Whether that's the insufficiently-medicated paranoia or the concedingly delerious self-involvement is probably up for discussion, but, regardless, I feel like a celebrity, and this is my story.

My dogs like to 69 each other.

Enjoy!